Friday, May 7, 2010

Cut it out, Moms!

This post is to celebrate all of the moms of the world (since I'm sure my blog's readership is made up of primarily moms ). I truly believe that mothers are more often than not the ones who keep the households together, who put their kids' needs waaaay before theirs and who are willing to work three jobs if that's what it takes. And speaking of all of that, here's a bit about my own Mom, who did all of the above and more.

My Mom is a mother who is supportive of virtually everything I do. I started playing the flute when I was 10 years old (the reason I picked the flute was because she had played it as well when she was younger and I thought it was really cool. Later I would learn that the flute is not necessarily what you would call a "cool" instrument). She then spent the next 7 years driving me to flute lessons, auditions, recitals and flute choir (yes, a flute choir is a real thing). She encouraged me to learn the oboe in 8th grade (the oboe being the most annoying instrument to listen to if the player has not mastered it, which I never did), join the marching band in high school and wear a bumblebee costume while performing "Flight of the Bumblebee" at 17 in a high school pageant. She also listened to me practice "Flight of the Bumblebee" at home for months leading up to the pageant, never once complaining, even when it made our 2 dogs howl. THAT is a good mom.

My brother and my other various hobbies growing up included going out in public in dance costumes and tap shoes (mine), raising baby mice and taking in stray cats (my bro's), entering different radio contests held by the Cartoon Network that involved changing our home answering machine message to "Cartoon, Cartoon" (both of us) and holding practices in our living room for a punk rock band (my bro's). My mom not only tolerated but encouraged all of these activities.

My Mom is also an amazing mom because she lets my brother have his life-sized "Creature from the Black Lagoon" cut-out be openly displayed in our house and never once complained. What a lady.

In honor of Mother's Day, here are some of my other favorite well-known moms:

1.) Jean Weir (played by Becky Ann Baker), from Freaks and Geeks

Jean's not the coolest mom out there; she wouldn't let her daughter Lindsay go to a The Who concert and has a tendency to read diaries, but she loves her kids and just wants to make them happy. Her sweetness could be misread for having no backbone, but don't forget, this is the same lady who once told her husband to wash his own dishes in a streak of boldness. She makes me smile.

2.) Joyce Summers (played by Kristine Sutherland), from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Come on, of COURSE Buffy's mom is on here! Joyce kind of started out as a bit of a drag, always wanting Buffy to go to school and confide in her and all of that, but she later turned out to be a pretty awesome mom. Sure, maybe she would have preferred that her daughter be the Homecoming Queen instead of The Chosen One, but Joyce soon adapted and grew used to the ample amount of time Buffy spent in cemeteries and the amount of blood found on her clothes. And really, any mom that can chill with Spike has a place on this list.

3.) Maria Von Trapp (played by Julie Andrews), from The Sound of Music

Maria was actually a step-mom, but a great mother nonetheless. How fun would it be to have Maria Von Trapp (or maybe even just Julie Andrews) as your mom? Every time you came to her with a problem, she could put her advice in a song. You want a new outfit, she'd cut up the carpet and fashion you a dress. Plus, you know she's got your back in a thunderstorm, which is a major bonus. Maria's only downsides are an inability to properly manage a rowboat and a tendency to forget punctuality. The Nazis are also not a fan of her.

4.) Roseanne, from Roseanne

Now, I understand that some people might be surprised by this choice, but I've always loved Roseanne. Out of all the moms on this list, Roseanne definitely keeps it the most real. She never panders to her kids or hesitates to tell one of the to shut up. And really, maybe kids need to hear that once in awhile. Roseanne worked her butt off for her family and put her kids' needs in front of hers, but also never apologized for serving a can of tuna (or beans) for dinner. However, she never really seemed to notice when her eldest daughter suddenly disappeared and was replaced by an imposter, so maybe her placement on this list DOES need to be debated.

And what's more fun than a great mom? A really, really bad one.

1.) Mrs. Flax (played by Cher), from Mermaids

Mrs. Flax was a complicated mom. Serving your kids only appetizers because you can't cook? Not healthy, but fun. Wearing the sexiest outfits in town when your eldest daughter is an aspiring nun? Not extremely thoughtful. Kissing your daughter's crush while tipsy? Downright mean. Moving your kids to a new town every time you earn the reputation of a homewrecker? Could be traumatizing. Still, Mrs. Flax meant well and maybe made a better friend to her kids than a mom.

2.) Any mother (and father) of a child featured on My Super Sweet Sixteen

If anyone is not familiar with this addictingly awful and cringe-inducing show, it's a reality show that follows rich families throwing their daughter/son a sweet 16 birthday party. The parties take excess to a new level, with the child usually throwing temper tantrums every few minutes, requesting brand new cars, celebrity appearances, custom-made ballgowns and cakes and pretty much everything but a mortgage on a brand new house. I actually find this show to be stressful when I watch it, as I want to hurt both the spoiled kid and the enabling parents. Here are some pics and captions I found on My Super Sweet Sixteen's website that will give you a taste of the show:

"Bobby wants some sexy dancers for his party so he holds a private audition at his house."

"Instead of a new car for her sweet 16, Geri wants an exotic animal so she goes to an alpaca farm to check a few out."

"Margaret Ann ends up getting not only the Hummer, but a matching wave runner as well!"

For shame, parents.

3.) Mary (played by Mo'Nique) from Precious


4.) Margaret White (Carrie's Mom) in Carrie

Carrie's mom is a bad mom for a variety of reasons. She's a religious fanatic, so she's not up for much fun. She has tons of candles and religious icons in the house, which is a safety hazard. When Carrie receives her first period, her mom tells her it's a result of her sinning, which is just misinformed. She regularly locks Carrie in her room and makes her pray, refers to her as evil witch and even stabs Carrie in the back (literally). Carrie's mom definitely tops the "Bad Mom" list and provides us with a few lessons on how not to parent (most important rule being don't stab your children while calling them evil).

After this extensive review of mothers, I just hope that when I have kids someday, I'll be the type of mother my own Mom is, where I could call her up tomorrow and say "Hey Mom, I think I want to be become a transvestite drag queen," and her reply would be "That's great, honey; when is your first show?" I love you, Mom! Happy Mother's Day to moms everywhere!


  1. I think your mom is the luckiest mom in the world!

  2. AW! What a sweet post! I have to agree, Roseanne is one of the best moms out there. I didn't think so when I was little, but now I see how much she sacrificed and how hard she worked.

    But out of all the moms you listed, YOURS is the BEST :) Love Mrs. Clark!

  3. Thank you, Jenn! I'm glad you like Roseanne,too-I still think her show is hilarious (until they won the lottery and it got weird).

    And yes, that goes without saying that I think my Mom tops the Favorite Mom list. You and I are both blessed with amazing moms!

  4. It was my understanding that my mother was going to be #1 on the "good mothers" list. I even told her the news and told her to continue refreshing this page until you posted. She must be extremely disappointed, as this was supposed to be her mother's day gift from me...she got nothing else. She now won't return my phone calls.
    Thank you Samantha Clark. *sarcasm*

  5. Yes, My mother (who birthed 8 children) is also mysteriously absent...

  6. Your mom is like the Duggard mom, who is also mysterioulsy absent.

  7. That's because the Duggards scare me.

  8. Your mom is the best. She put up with SO much when we were kids. I can only imagine how much she loved the singing, dancing and shenanigans we got into and she always did it with a smile on her face. All of the band practicing we did in your house on saxophones, flutes, trumpets, french horns, oboes, clarinets and MORE never drove that woman crazy. I love me some Ms. Jean =)