Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Cut it out, Hilary Swank! My Event Planning Advice

So, uh, it would appear that I haven't blogged for awhile. Gah.

Would you like to hear my excuses for blogging only one (1) time in the month of May? Please? They're really good. And it'll make me feel better. Aw, thanks guys. You're sweet.

Here goes:

-I haven't blogged because I've been busy creating life with my very first garden.

See? Busy creating life? I told you they were good.

This is the first time that Velvet and I have ever attempted to plant a garden. And though we're both equally clueless when it comes to anything garden-related, we continuously check with each other whenever we're planting. "So we should probably put the squash and the tomatoes next to each other, right?" "Oh yeah, we're definitely going to want to do that." "Think we should space these spinach seeds 5 inches apart?" "Makes sense to me."

(If our garden fails, I'm blaming it on the raccoons. Not our faulty methods. The out of control, squash-loving raccoons.)

Our garden has produced one (1) strawberry. A delicious, ripe, ready-for-the-pickin' strawberry. It shall be not eaten, but gilded. Oh, the fruits of our looms!

(Special thanks to hand model who wishes to remain anonymous and is almost certainly maybe not my roommate.)

Obligatory cat glamour shot, springtime garden edition.

-I haven't blogged because I travelled to Detroit to play in a dodgeball tournament.

So how did my team do? I don't want to talk about it. I'll just say that we finished amongst the top three (3) teams. I will also say that there were only four (4) teams total. Insignificant details.

But since we were in the States, we got to go to TARGET! This is a major deal, as most Canadian gals can understand.

Springtime in Detroit, is there nothing lovelier? And no, we sadly did not make it back to the Motorama Motel. But I shall return one day and hope to find even fresher blood on my ceiling when I do.

(...and my final excuse is one for my gentlemen readers out there. Hey, you two (2)!)

-I haven't blogged because I've been too busy playing paintball for the first time ever.

I wouldn't try paintballing for just anyone, but I like my friend Mergeler enough (tall blondie on left) to give it a go. Heather and I joined Mergeler's birthday celebrations despite our fears of, oh, you know, getting shot. Our experienced paintball friends helped soothe our anxieties by reminding us that yes, it was going to hurt and that yes, they would take special pains to track us down while playing.


The Before. Even though we look like men in this picture, Heather and I were the only girls in the entire place. We were both terrified/one of us was extremely sunburnt (guess who).

And the after. Six (6) rounds of paintball later, we learn that paintball does in fact really hurt. I have five (5) bruises to remind me of that for the next few weeks.

Anyways, enough excuses for why I haven't been blogging. You came here to seek life advice and wisdom, not listen to me talk about paintball (...or did you?). And wisdom is what I shall give you.

My roommates often refer to me as a "jack of all trades." They'll deny it in person, but it's true. I can read books, I eat cereal at an almost alarming rate and I am a cat owner. But though I am very skilled at those things, I like to challenge myself to try new fields. I've tried baking, I've tried resume writing and I've tried feline grooming. It was time for something new.

No more feline grooming.

So my friend Carla and I decided to try our hand at event planning.

Now, this was a few years ago, back when event planning was a fairly new concept. To set the scene, the movie Amelia , starring Hilary Swank and Richard Gere and focusing on the life of Amelia Earhart, was set to hit theaters. Having been on the set of this movie (no lie! I promise! You can trust me completely!), I knew it was a momentous occasion. The public was going to eat this movie up. SOMETHING HAD TO BE DONE!

Hilary Swank. Amelia Earhart. That Hair. What more could you want?

So we contacted the people who would obviously be the most excited about this film: The Canada Aviation Museum. And we proposed to them the grandest, the most exhilarating, and also the most logical event ever to come their way.

(see below)

100 foot IMAX screen? A chance to sit in a pilot's seat with Hilary Swank? A Question & Answer segment?! I may be biased because I created this event myself, but WOW. That sounds like fun. I love Q&A's!

Most people are visual learners so it's helpful to include a hand-drawn poster whenever possible.

A month goes by. More than a month, in fact. Precious days were flying by, and still nothing from the Canada Aviation Museum. Don't they understand how hard it is to plan an event? How trying it is to to write letters that don't sound creepy to celebrities? How exhausting it is to create your own themed hors d'oeuvres menu?! GOOD LORD.

I was angry. Carla was angry. But you know who was the angriest of all?

This guy.

We reached out one (1) more time, but this time with some sad news. Swank was out. Of course she was. She's a fairly busy lady who waits for no one, not even the Canada Aviation Museum. We would have to use an Amelia Earhart impersonator. (On the plus side, I discovered this guy, whom I will certainly be hiring as my Mr. Bean impersonator for my next birthday. Wheee!)

Same thing.

I bet you're wondering how this magical event went. Well, I'll tell you how it went.


And that's because we received NO REPLY. EVER. And now Amelia has come and gone, with barely a splash made in Canada. I don't think any of my friends saw the movie. I certainly boycotted it. You know, you pour your heart and soul into an event, you (hypothetically) invest hundreds of your own dollars, you find spend copious amounts of time researching Amelia Earhart impersonators, and for what? FOR WHAT? Nothing.

So what did I learn from this non-adventure? Eff event planning*. And airplanes. And most importantly, Hilary Swank.

Your face just makes me angry now.

Friends, have you ever tried to plan an event for a museum or company to a disastrous end? Do you like to create hand-drawn posters? And can YOU impersonate any historical figures? Let's use this time to share with each other!

*If you have a special occasion coming up, please don't hesitate to contact me for event planning help! Let your special day be my special day, too. Rates dependent on specialness of event.