2011: A Picture Review

A new year has begun. Like many, I have high hopes for this year.  High hopes and big plans. Productivity will be key. I can already cross "lie on couch slightly hungover and watch ten (10) episodes of 'Blossom' in a row" off of my New Year's resolution list. 

Like I said, productivity will be key. 

Impromptu New Year's Resolutions that were Certainly Not Inspired by Blossom:  Wear more hats.  Make more friends who have numbers for names. Bring vests back into my life. 

I know that during this first week of the new year, most people will be encouraging you to look to the future, leave the past behind, seize the day and many other time-related sayings. I say yes, let's do all of these things. All of them! Out with the old, in with the new. Sniff my butt, 2011.

But first, before the seizing and the sniffing, let's cling to the past for just one more blog post, a Holiday Edition Best of 2011 edition.  Come and marvel, as we travel back into the depths of 2011!







Okay, okay; it's getting weird. For both of us. Stop marveling. Let's just read it.

The year began with a Sunday spent in the snow with my dodgeball team, the Devil Bats. It was a day full of tobogganing, creating sick snow jumps and many a failed attempt at "snowball dodgeball." We optimistically declared that Sundays would hereto be known as "Anything Can Happen Sundays" and filled with wondrous activities.

Never happened again.





After eight (8) years in Canada, I become an official, government-approved Permanent Resident. This had to be the most important (/time-consuming/expensive/emotionally draining, etc.) highlight of my year. My roommates and cat rejoice knowing that I can now stay in Canada FOREVER.

After a two (2) year letter writing campaign, Great Grains finally made their Canadian debut. My friends promptly clamor to try them.

(This was probably the second most important highlight. It was all pretty much downhill from here.)

I turn 26 and celebrate in an age-appropriate fashion.

A slew of dodgeball tournaments provided us with plenty of opportunities to dress in ridiculous costumes. Lessons learned in costumed dodgeball included that losing a tournament while dressed as the ThunderCats notches up the humiliation factor juuuuust a little bit more; on the other hand, destroying another team while playing as the Rainbow Unicorns feels pretty sweet.

 

A springtime jaunt to Detroit turns into an impromptu carnival visit. We cast aside whatever doubts we had concerning tourist traps and safety regulations and take a brief, one-ride-worth's-look-see.

 

Such hopeful smiles.

The adolescent ride operator made sure to give us the time of our lives during the four (4) minute ride aboard the Enterprise. Ride recaps included: "I've never been so nauseous in my entire life,""Why wouldn't it end?" and "Can thirteen year olds legally operate carnival rides?" We shared a nice, silent car ride out of the park, each of us intently concentrating on not throwing up out of the window. Detroit never fails to disappoint. 

(2011: yet another year when Detroit touched my heart and also my vomitary system.)

Summer begins and we try to spend as much as time as possible at the park.

We learn just how badly a group of people can be at badminton. You can add badminton, frisbee baseball, soccer dodgeball, gymnastics and cool breakdancing tricks to the list of activities we did not master this summer.

Activities we DID master, you ask? Mostly beach dodgeball, the art of the sporadic kip-up, ways to achieve the perfect sunburn even when drenched in sunscreen and how to be the creepy clothed people at a nude beach. 

We willingly forked over money to go see Katy Perry in concert. Are you wondering if we dressed up in costume?

...If you don't know me by now, you will never never never know me.

(no you won't)

(ooooh)

A few of my dearest friends from home decide I should have no money for the rest of year and hold various wedding-related activities way, way, way, far away from Canada.  Bridal showers, bachelorette parties, Tennessee and Florida weddings--I attend them all!

(Were they worth it? You bet your bippy they were.)

Dreams come true when Velvet and I transform into Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield for Halloween.

On a just-as-important note: Sweet Valley Confidential WAS FINALLY RELEASED.  As someone currently writing an erotic Sweet Valley High fanfiction novel, this was extremely pertinent market research. 

  

I only finished it in one (1) day because it was such pertinent market research. Nothing more. 

I attend Fan Expo Canada by myself dressed as Buffy the Vampire Slayer (this is a 2011 highlight/lowlight). 

The roommates and I wrap up the year with our first house Christmas. 

Marley wraps up the year by inching his BMI closer and closer to the danger zone. 

IN CONCLUSION:

It was a year filled with friends, both near and far.

And more importantly, it was a year of Canadian-accessible Great Grains.

(the gorgeous Great Grains pics are courtesy of the cereal-lovin' William Matthews)
(other photo credits go to the usuals: Jenn, Heather, Velvet and Ryan P.--thanks a mill!)

*A small but important note: though it may look like all of 2011 was spent skipping in the sunshine while wearing sequined boas and hoisting trophies into the air, I don't want to be misleading. There were certainly low, un-blogged-about moments. Financial stress, zero free time and putting far too much effort into things/people undeserving are all things I'm happy to leave behind. I'm optimistic for 2012.

Apart from the world ending and all that.

Obligatory New Year's resolution mention:

Though, like every year, I have about sixty (60) New Year's resolutions, I want to assure you readers that Hobbit Heartache, the Sweet Valley High/Lord of the Rings erotic crossover fanfiction WILL be completed in 2012.

Though it will be sad not to have to ponder such queries as "Is a size six the same in hobbit clothing?""Would Bruce Patman and Bilbo fight over who will be the group's alpha male?" and "Would Jessica ever consider a threesome with Bilbo and Frodo?", I do promise that our journey will reach its conclusion in the upcoming months.

To all of you who have read and supported my blog and stories over the year, you warm my heart and if I could, I'd give a cat and box of Great Grains to each of you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Share some resolutions below. 

Cut it out, Hilary Swank! My Event Planning Advice

So, uh, it would appear that I haven't blogged for awhile. Gah.

Would you like to hear my excuses for blogging only one (1) time in the month of May? Please? They're really good. And it'll make me feel better. Aw, thanks guys. You're sweet.

Here goes:

-I haven't blogged because I've been busy creating life with my very first garden.




See? Busy creating life? I told you they were good.

This is the first time that Velvet and I have ever attempted to plant a garden. And though we're both equally clueless when it comes to anything garden-related, we continuously check with each other whenever we're planting. "So we should probably put the squash and the tomatoes next to each other, right?" "Oh yeah, we're definitely going to want to do that." "Think we should space these spinach seeds 5 inches apart?" "Makes sense to me."

(If our garden fails, I'm blaming it on the raccoons. Not our faulty methods. The out of control, squash-loving raccoons.)




Our garden has produced one (1) strawberry. A delicious, ripe, ready-for-the-pickin' strawberry. It shall be not eaten, but gilded. Oh, the fruits of our looms!

(Special thanks to hand model who wishes to remain anonymous and is almost certainly maybe not my roommate.)




Obligatory cat glamour shot, springtime garden edition.

-I haven't blogged because I travelled to Detroit to play in a dodgeball tournament.

So how did my team do? I don't want to talk about it. I'll just say that we finished amongst the top three (3) teams. I will also say that there were only four (4) teams total. Insignificant details.



But since we were in the States, we got to go to TARGET! This is a major deal, as most Canadian gals can understand.



Springtime in Detroit, is there nothing lovelier? And no, we sadly did not make it back to the Motorama Motel. But I shall return one day and hope to find even fresher blood on my ceiling when I do.

(...and my final excuse is one for my gentlemen readers out there. Hey, you two (2)!)

-I haven't blogged because I've been too busy playing paintball for the first time ever.




I wouldn't try paintballing for just anyone, but I like my friend Mergeler enough (tall blondie on left) to give it a go. Heather and I joined Mergeler's birthday celebrations despite our fears of, oh, you know, getting shot. Our experienced paintball friends helped soothe our anxieties by reminding us that yes, it was going to hurt and that yes, they would take special pains to track us down while playing.

<3





The Before. Even though we look like men in this picture, Heather and I were the only girls in the entire place. We were both terrified/one of us was extremely sunburnt (guess who).




And the after. Six (6) rounds of paintball later, we learn that paintball does in fact really hurt. I have five (5) bruises to remind me of that for the next few weeks.


Anyways, enough excuses for why I haven't been blogging. You came here to seek life advice and wisdom, not listen to me talk about paintball (...or did you?). And wisdom is what I shall give you.


My roommates often refer to me as a "jack of all trades." They'll deny it in person, but it's true. I can read books, I eat cereal at an almost alarming rate and I am a cat owner. But though I am very skilled at those things, I like to challenge myself to try new fields. I've tried baking, I've tried resume writing and I've tried feline grooming. It was time for something new.




No more feline grooming.

So my friend Carla and I decided to try our hand at event planning.

Now, this was a few years ago, back when event planning was a fairly new concept. To set the scene, the movie Amelia , starring Hilary Swank and Richard Gere and focusing on the life of Amelia Earhart, was set to hit theaters. Having been on the set of this movie (no lie! I promise! You can trust me completely!), I knew it was a momentous occasion. The public was going to eat this movie up. SOMETHING HAD TO BE DONE!



Hilary Swank. Amelia Earhart. That Hair. What more could you want?


So we contacted the people who would obviously be the most excited about this film: The Canada Aviation Museum. And we proposed to them the grandest, the most exhilarating, and also the most logical event ever to come their way.


(see below)





100 foot IMAX screen? A chance to sit in a pilot's seat with Hilary Swank? A Question & Answer segment?! I may be biased because I created this event myself, but WOW. That sounds like fun. I love Q&A's!




Most people are visual learners so it's helpful to include a hand-drawn poster whenever possible.


A month goes by. More than a month, in fact. Precious days were flying by, and still nothing from the Canada Aviation Museum. Don't they understand how hard it is to plan an event? How trying it is to to write letters that don't sound creepy to celebrities? How exhausting it is to create your own themed hors d'oeuvres menu?! GOOD LORD.


I was angry. Carla was angry. But you know who was the angriest of all?




This guy.

We reached out one (1) more time, but this time with some sad news. Swank was out. Of course she was. She's a fairly busy lady who waits for no one, not even the Canada Aviation Museum. We would have to use an Amelia Earhart impersonator. (On the plus side, I discovered this guy, whom I will certainly be hiring as my Mr. Bean impersonator for my next birthday. Wheee!)

Same thing.

I bet you're wondering how this magical event went. Well, I'll tell you how it went.

HORRIBLY.

And that's because we received NO REPLY. EVER. And now Amelia has come and gone, with barely a splash made in Canada. I don't think any of my friends saw the movie. I certainly boycotted it. You know, you pour your heart and soul into an event, you (hypothetically) invest hundreds of your own dollars, you find spend copious amounts of time researching Amelia Earhart impersonators, and for what? FOR WHAT? Nothing.

So what did I learn from this non-adventure? Eff event planning*. And airplanes. And most importantly, Hilary Swank.

Your face just makes me angry now.

Friends, have you ever tried to plan an event for a museum or company to a disastrous end? Do you like to create hand-drawn posters? And can YOU impersonate any historical figures? Let's use this time to share with each other!

*If you have a special occasion coming up, please don't hesitate to contact me for event planning help! Let your special day be my special day, too. Rates dependent on specialness of event.