It's My Favorite Time of Year

Fall is my favorite time of year for many reasons, but mostly because of Halloween, changing leaves and apple bobbing. Oh, and animals in costumes.

I guess I must have done something good in my youth or childhood because this seems to be the Halloween that just wouldn't end.

(yay!)

Halloween started early this year with my work's annual Halloween costume contest. My boss offered a cash prize of $500.00 for best costume, so competition was pretty fierce. I didn't speak to my colleague Christina for a week leading up to the contest, as I find psychological warfare can be a very effective tool in winning costume contests (it can also be a handy tool in conflict resolution with your roommates--try it sometime).

To my surprise, we both showed up in holiday-themed outfits. I was a Christmas tree (one of Velvet's old costumes, circa 2008) and Christina was a less superior holiday elf creature. Sadly, we were the only employees who dressed up and the $500 cash prize was eliminated. We each received three (3) candy bars instead.

As an added bonus (I know, what could top the candy bars?!), we already have our office holiday card picked out. Client relationships are very important to us.

So going into Halloween weekend with already 3 candy bars in my pocket, I was obviously very excited. My roommates Heather, Velvet and I were heading to a Halloween house party on Friday night. We were a little wary because it was a "costumes optional" Halloween party, which really makes ZERO sense at all. We laughed to ourselves on the way there, picturing us walking into the crowded party and discovering that we were the only ones in costumes. Oh, how we laughed at that thought. Can you even imagine it?! We were so silly. Ha!

And the funny thing is, that's pretty much exactly what happened.

Well, some people had "costumes" on, but more of the "no-effort-required" type costume, like the placing of red plastic devil horns on your head and then declaring yourself Satan. Those types of costumes just don't fly with us.

This year my costume was a sexy turkey. As you may have noticed, all female costumes on Halloween are supposed to be turned into "sexified" versions of the original model. So instead of being a boring respectful nun, you'd be a sexy, so-wrong-that-it's-still-wrong nun. Or instead of being a skeleton, you're a sexy skeleton. It's really such a great and fun tradition which accurately represents the true meanings of Halloween. Heather and I are quite comfortable with our sexuality and therefore dressed as a sexy raccoon and sexy turkey. We were going to try to be sexy grandmas but struggled with the correct amount of wrinkled cleavage to show. Next year.

See? It was some hot stuff.

You would think with being so sexy and all that people would have been too intimidated to talk to Heather. That was not the case. All weekend long she fielded questions and comments like: "Are you a squirrel? "Aw, you're a cute cat." "Why would you dress up as a rat?" "Hey, I was a mouse last year!" etc. etc. etc. Annoying for her, entertaining for us.

Velvet had to rush to the party straight from work so she quickly whipped up a costume. She dressed in all gold and was a "gold star." Sadly, she ended up looking a bit like a prostitute, but like a high-end, sparkly one. Then our friend Jason arrived dressed as a pimp, which really didn't help her case. Soon Velvet just gave in and went as Jason's main lady, or, as he referred to her loudly the entire night "his five-dolla holla." Such a sweet guy.

Five dolla holla.

And then we put aside all costume woes and danced the night away in a sexy dance competition.

Scary things happen on Halloween.

The next night, we had a gathering at our house before going out dancing.

It was absolutely insane.

And sadly, we don't seem to have any pictures of Velvet's actual costume, which was a saloon girl. It turned out really nicely, which you can't accurately tell from the above picture. It was pretty much identical to these:

She did an excellent job.

My friend Eric also had an impressive homemade costume this year. He went as Tigger from Winnie the Pooh.

After noting the resemblance to Frosted Flakes' Tony the Tiger ("They'reeeeeeee great!"), our friend Leslie remarked that Eric was more like Thomas the Tiger, a generic cereal knock-off. I'm sure Eric was pleased by this.

I adore this picture of dear Thomas the Tiger.

Green Lantern, Russell Brand, Mad Scientist, Tigger, Rat

(and Heather's decorative BATS which will remain hung in our living room until Christmas at least)

Then we all drank, danced, made some new friends, came home, made drunken pasta, etc.

...And on the fourth day of Halloween (technically November 1st, but whatever), we had the most fun of all. How do you top house parties, dancing in a club in a turkey costume and eating lots of candy? It's pretty easy, actually.

YOU PLAY DODGEBALL IN HALLOWEEN COSTUMES!

My entire dodgeball team (we're called Hold Your Balls, do you get the subtle joke in that?) dressed up in costumes and proceeded to awkwardly play and WIN both of our games of the night.

When we arrived and saw that no one on the team had bailed or flaked on wearing a costume, I felt like my heart would explode with pride.

I think the 'fro lasted for about 1 round before it kept flying off mid-throw.

People on the bench alternated between singing the Mario theme song for Adam and the Indiana Jones theme for E.

TIGER TIME (well, Tigger and a zebra, but for the purposes of sounding intimidating, it's TIGER TIME).

Honestly, I think part of the reason that we won both games (besides our incredibly complex strategies and the fact that we're all on steroids) is that the other teams were kind of weirded out by our costumes and enthusiasm. Get used to it guys, we're doing this EVERY WEEK now.

WHEEEEE!

I hope you all had terrifying Halloweens. Did you have awesome costumes? Meet any celebs? Dress up your pets? Tell me all about it.

Cut it Out, Sweet Valley High!

Ever since receiving some very exciting news, I can't stop thinking about Sweet Valley High, the book series I was obsessed with growing up. For those people who sadly didn't have these books in childhood, they featured a set of high school twins, Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield.

And these twins were perfect. Not like just pretty hot. PERFECT. Part of the first chapter of every book in the series was devoted to describing the perfection of these two. Silky blond hair, long, lean legs which were tanned by the Californian sun, aquamarine eyes which sparkled like some kind of crazy reflective gemstones, stunning size 6 figures (my, how times have changed!), etc. etc. They also had wonderful, caring parents, lived in a Spanish-style house with a pool (I didn't even know what a "Spanish-style" house was when I was a kid, but knew that I wanted one). Elizabeth was smart, kind, responsible. Jessica was sexy, daring, athletic. In short, the perfect pair. The series followed them through various adventures in high school and was wildly popular with young girls who desperately wanted to be a twin everywhere.

(In case you haven't figured it out yet, this might be a girl-centric post, but guys, it's definitely still worth reading so you can impress your lady friends or sisters.)

So it was a grand day indeed when I heard the recent news that Sweet Valley High will be returning to us but following Jessica and Elizabeth as grown-ups this time-- meaning no more high school dances, football games or cheerleading squads. I'm not quite sure how the new series will be, especially since most of its readers now cherish the series in an ironical kind of way, appreciating how ridiculous it actually was. But I'm not kidding myself here; I'll be buying the books the second they hit stores.

So in honor of this news and all things Sweet Valley, here you go--my top five most memorable Sweet Valley High books.

1.) All Night Long (#5)

In this book, Jessica begins dating Scott Daniels. Scott's an older boy. He's wild. WILD! As we all know, Jessica's the more daring, crazier twin. She lives to break the rules and will try anything...even dating a more experienced boy. I honestly don't remember too many details of the plot (I'm sure it was incredibly complex and surely not capable of being summarized in one sentence) but the part I remember the most vividly is when Jessica and Scott go to an "all-nighter" college beach party. Jessica drinks a beer (!) and Scott tries to go a little too far with Jessica by playing with her red bikini strings. The book doesn't go into too much detail but I remember reading it as an 11 year old and being blown away. He PLAYED WITH HER BIKINI STRINGS. AT A COLLEGE BEACH PARTY. Holy cow. That's unimaginable. I thought this book was the raciest thing I'd ever read (clearly, I was an incredibly lame kid and hadn't discovered Judy Blume yet).

Also of note in this book: Elizabeth must pretend to be Jessica to fool their Mom (who doesn't enjoy a good twin swap? I think it's the main reason I wanted a twin sister so badly when I was younger), and of course, the awesome cover art. Scott Daniels is the creepiest guy I've ever seen. You know he's an older college guy (and possibly a pedophile) because he has a moustache.

2.) Crash Landing! (#20)

This book is also classic old school SVH. In it, Enid Rollins (Elizabeth's nerdy, uglier and in all ways less superior best friend) is taken on a private flight by her boyfriend George, who has just earned his pilot's license. George promptly crashes the plane and Enid is left paralyzed from the waist down. George is pretty pissed by all of this because he wanted to dump Enid after the flight and now that she's all paralyzed and stuff, he feels just a little too guilty. As a fun subplot to all of this, Jessica falls in love with her cooking school teacher, Jean Pierre.

I really liked this book because it was just so relatable. Who hasn't crashed their own plane, left their significant other paralyzed and then had to pity-date them until they could miraculously recover use of their limbs? Just another part of high school and growing up. Francine Pascal always understood that and was really there for you when you went through these difficult situations. Also interesting was how even when paralyzed and in a heartbreaking situation, Enid Rollins could still annoy me.

3.) The Evil Twin (#100)

As the series grew older (not the twins, I think they remained in their junior year of high school for at least 10 years), Francine Pascal really upped the ante. I mean, it had been upped before (kidnapping! plane crashes! slam books!) but now things got real. Jessica and Elizabeth went to London and were almost killed by a werewolf (I'm not kidding), Jessica was accused of cheating on the SAT'S (!), Elizabeth went through a manslaughter trial (how did stressed-out, faded-tan Elizabeth make even manslaughter trials seem glamorous??? The power of these girls... ).

The Evil Twin is the final book in an epic six-part series. In it, an evil girl named Margo, who just happens to look identical to Jessica and Elizabeth, becomes obsessed with the twins and stalks them from afar for months. She memorizes every detail of their lives, dyes her hair blond (oh, excuse me, I mean a glossy, sun-streaked silky golden shade of perfection , as Francine would say) and then begins posing as Elizabeth. She hatches a plan to kill Elizabeth on the stroke of midnight on New Years Eve and take over her life. Happy New Year!

I won't reveal the ending of this book but will instead insist YOU MUST READ IT. It is amazing. Reading the summary of it, you might say to yourself "Really? This weird stranger girl managed to completely fool not only Elizabeth's boyfriend Todd, not only Elizabeth's parents and best friend Enid, but her twin sister Jessica, too? No one noticed a thing?! REALLY? " Yup. Margo was an evil genius. She's terrifying and we all need to be careful because something like this could easily happen to any one of us. I couldn't put this book down and just writing about it now makes me want to re-read my copy. Which I am going to do.

4.) The Treasure of Death Valley (115) and Nightmare in Death Valley (116)

Another epic adventure, this one involved Jessica & Elizabeth (along with Todd, Ken, Bruce and Heather Mallone, Jessica's cheerleading nemesis ) going on a camping trip to sunny Death Valley.

Want to know why I remember this book so much? Because besides immediately becoming hopelessly lost in Death Valley, the gang encountered a number of other problems, including:

-having no food or water (totally believable)

-poisonous snakes and scorpions (sure, there are lots of scary creatures in the desert)

-flash floods (hmm, not that common...but alright)

-avalanches and subsequent injuries (sometimes when you're camping, you fall off of cliffs...I guess that happens.)

-stumbling upon hidden gold and a treasure map (wow! What are the chances?!)

-and what else, what else... oh yes, BEING FOLLOWED BY THREE ESCAPED CONVICTS WHO WANT TO STEAL YOUR GOLD.

Okay, Francine Pascal, you have OFFICIALLY jerked us around too far. This would not happen. No way. Oh, but wait...one of the convicts develops a crush on Jessica, there are "Dear Diary" entries written by all of the campers, and Bruce Patman and Liz almost hook up...okay, these books were awesome. Read these two if you feel like being taken on an insane journey which feels like it will actually never end, in the best way possible.

5.) The Wakefields of Sweet Valley (a Sweet Valley SAGA)

This was a very special book, often described as a "sweeping saga," which is no lie. It tells us the back stories of five generations of the twins' ancestors, which sounds kind of boring until you realize how cool the ancestors are. There's a Swedish immigrant, a set of twins named Jessamyn and Elisabeth (nice touch, huh?), ANOTHER set of twins named Samantha and Amanda (I loved that I shared a name with a part of Wakefield history), a trapeze artist in the circus, a flapper of the Roaring Twenties and a hippie flower child during the sixties. Love, tragedy, fate and chance all mix into this megastory, which teaches us one important lesson: The Wakefields are the most perfect people to ever walk the earth. (this is probably the main lesson of the entire series, actually.)

Fellow fans, I'd love to hear your fave SVH books. Did you want to be Jessica or Elizabeth more? Did you like the short-lived TV series? (NO. The characters were all so much hotter in my head.) Will anyone else be reading these new books? LET'S HAVE GIRL TALK! Boys, you are also welcome to participate.

2010 is Ruined.

This recent news might just be the saddest thing I've heard all year...

http://www.starrynightevents.com/index.php

If you're feeling too lazy to click that link, hey, that's okay, we've all been there. Just read the below sentence to see all you need to know.

"It is with great sadness that due to very low ticket sales we have to announce the cancellation of Whedon Fest."

That's right. There was once going to be a festival celebrating all things Joss Whedon, creator of Buffy, Angel, Dr. Horrible, Firefly and Dollhouse. And in this wondrous festival, there were going to be screenings, panels, something wonderful sounding called a "Geek-off Tournament", contests, a (sure-to-be relevant) dessert party and so much more. Nicholas Brendon (Xander) and Amy Acker (Fred from Angel) were going to be there (other famous people were going to be there as well, but those were the only two I cared about. And even Fred was pushing it a little bit.).

Here's the flyer for what could have been (this flyer has been hanging up in our house for about a month now):

...And now all of this magic is CANCELLED. Due to not even low ticket sales, but VERY low ticket sales. Just add some more salt in that wound and grind it up real nice. And then add some shame, as if all of this weren't embarrassing enough.

If there's ever a time that a group hug is needed, it's right now.

I had started writing this blog post a few weeks ago, when I first learned that a.)Whedon Fest existed and b.) it was coming to Toronto, and let me tell you, the mood of the original post was much different than this one. I hadn't written much, but it was exuberant. Excited. Nervous with anticipation and already planning the Buffy outfits I would wear. I was wondering how the whole "carrying a wooden stake in public" thing was going to pan out but figured it would work itself out. And I guess, in a way, it did. It is perfectly fine to carry a wooden stake anywhere in the confines of our home.

The part I was most excited about was just walking around the festival and being amongst fellow fans. I wanted to see the hardest-core of the hardcore ones, the fans who would make me feel ashamed for only have written one Buffy fanfiction script.

I wanted to see the type of people who have adorned their bodies like this:

And the type of people who spend their time making sick fan art pictures like these:

(This beautiful piece was made by Doc-PhantomShadow.)

Hard to beat sexy Buffy erotica, huh? This hot number was made by the talented hughzy11. I freaking love fan art and wish I was a better artist so I could contribute to this universe.

(PS--I bet the words "sexy Buffy erotica" are going to get me a record number of blog internet hits, maybe even more so than my multiple cat galleries. sexy Buffy erotica sexy Buffy erotica.)

I also really, REALLY wanted to see the Buffy-related costumes. Everyone knows the best part of any fan convention is checking out the costumes.

I wish these people were my friends. Kinda puts our own Buffy costumes to shame a little bit, huh?

Whatever, everyone knows that when you cut up a shirt and put on some fake blood, you're totally a Haklar demon. We don't need wigs and clothes all that fancy costume stuff. Just more money.

I also just wanted to be around the other Whedon fans, the ones who don't necessarily have permanent bodily declarations of their fandom or have named their first male child "Spike."(okay, I'll confess here that Velvet and I have had serious discussions about naming our next cats Spike and Drusilla. But we haven't done it yet, so we're still cool, right?) The fans who just really enjoy Buffy and the rest of the Whedon canon. I think it would be a really neat environment and would have made for an awesome blog post. A way cooler one than this one. PLUS I would have had a photo with Xander and Fred (hey graphic designer friends, looking for a fun project? Talk to me for details.).

I know, I know, this hurts.

Oh yeah, and I also wanted to try and give Nicholas Brendon a copy of my Buffy script. I know he's been busy lately with some extracurricular activities but I think he'd be happy to get back to his roots, especially since Anthony Stewart Head is on board.

But alas, I guess none of this was meant to be. So if anyone in the Toronto area would like to attend Whedon Fest, Velvet and I will be having our own version in our house. We will be screening every episode of Buffy in a row while wearing costumes and holding our own fan-art contest. We will have a geek-off tournament where we shall rapidly quiz each other on Buffy- (and possibly Angel) related questions. And as for celebrity guests, we will have our roommate Heather pose as different celebrities and talk to us (but quietly, as to not interrupt the non-stop Buffy watching.). Winners of the costume contest, fan-art contest and geek-off tournaments shall win walk-on roles in the Buffy fanfiction episode or a collage, winners choice.

Can the rest of 2010 recover from this devastatingly heart wrenching news? I don't really know. Probably not. So let's just forget about the remainder of the year and pre-order our tickets for Whedon Fest 2011! Out-of-town guests can speak to me about a discounted stay at our home.

We are going to get through this.

How to Hold a Pretty Good Garage Sale

One of my favorite summer activities is checking out as many garage sales as possible. I find the best ones are usually in small towns or at church bazaars, places where the people holding the sale don't realize the greatness of their junk. One of my best garage sale finds was from a roadside sale in South River, Ontario (yes, by the Algonquin Motel), where an old man sold me an antique spice rack for $2.00, never once leaving his yard chair. He was also attempting to sell several used bedpans, which we of course snatched up immediately. I'm fairly confident those babies will be worth something one day.

Having attended at least 50 garage sales in my life, I've never actually held one myself. So my gfs Heather, Velvet and I decided to hold a garage sale at our home. We postered, facebooked and word-of-mouthed all about our sale. The night before the big day, we were pumped. Seriously pumped. Running on pure nervous energy, drinking cola straight out of the can. We used little yellow stickers to price everything in the house (Marley walked around with a $1.00 tag on until Velvet felt sorry for him and took it off. I laughed every time I saw it.). We did research and read tips on how to host a successful garage sale. In short, we were prepared. Our friend Leslie even wagered that we'd make at least $400.

And then the big day came...and our garage sale was, as some might say, a major bust.



:(

Allow me to walk you through our garage sale day and share some of the lessons we learned. Perhaps our garage sale trash can become your garage sale treasure. Or whatever.




The week of our garage sale, we postered the neighborhood with lots of homemade and dazzling signs. The night before the sale, we noticed we had garage sale competition--another sale posted their signs DIRECTLY under almost every single one of ours and tried to outdo us by calling theirs a "HUGE MOVING YARD SALE". Luckily for us, their signs were sloppy, looked like they were made by crack addicts and lacked the charm of ours.

Lesson learned: Make your signs awesome and eye-catching and, theoretically, people will want to come. Use tiger-striped colors or sparkly gems and mention your impressive items--in our case, a paper shredder.





WELCOME TO OUR GARAGE SALE! What a beaut, huh? Lots of wonderful merchandise which will no doubt be appreciated by eager customers.




9:00 a.m.-ish. This was probably the highlight of our day but we didn't realize/appreciate it at the time. We had early birds who creepily waited in front of our empty yard beginning around 8:30 a.m. Our extensive research warned us about early birds but I didn't think it would actually happen to us. But it did! And they were as aggressive and annoying as the websites promised! And I hated them. One lady even asked if she could come inside our house to look at the jewelry and bead selection beforehand. Sounds sane to me.

Lesson learned: Expect weird people to show up at least 30 minutes early with unreasonable demands. Don't be afraid to tell them to get a life and get a coffee until 9:00 a.m.



Oh, I forgot to mention that the garage sale was also an art show featuring several of my collages. We integrated a few of my pieces with the merchandise and with nature. Here I am with my piece "Scarlett Johansson."




More of our goods as well as the infamous Angelina Jolie/Jennifer Aniston reversible collage. The frame was $1.00, collage was $750.00. Surprisingly, neither sold, although one customer commented that he appreciated the reversible aspect of it--if you wake up feeling wild one day, flip the collage to Angelina. If you're feeling chill and having a good hair day, it's over to Jen. I guess he was feeling too chill to make any actual purchases, but hey, that's okay. It's not all about the money.

Lesson learned: People may like your art, but that doesn't mean they want to buy it.


Heather forced us to sell many of our books. There are many pros and cons to living close to used bookstores but apparently Heather thinks that having three-plus overflowing bookshelves in the house is a con (I think she just can't read).

Lesson learned: Don't bother taking time (so, so much time) dividing your books into differently priced bins. The first customers will promptly mix all of the bins into one huge pile and continuously ask you "how much is this book?" Mark 'em all as .25 and be on your way.



Try to have lots of amazing things for sale, like we did. That's an important lesson.



And like all fun garage sales, we had a huge free section, filled with exciting and useful items. See that gray homemade tombstone? I put that out there really hoping to see if anyone would possibly be interested in it. A middle-aged guy slowly drove by our garage sale, went to the end of the street, turned around and parked his car, hopped out, grabbed ONLY the tombstone and promptly left. I was really sad we didn't have the opportunity to chat; I would have loved to have discussed his plans for it.

Lesson learned: You never know what kind of stuff people will want, so put it all out there. It also really helps when it's free. Another (somewhat contrasting) lesson learned is that even if your sign says "Free Stuff! Go Crazy! Take it All!", try not to be disappointed when, in fact, no one goes crazy and takes it all.



11:00 a.m. We had a surprise visit from my (fashion trendcaster) colleague, Christina, who was enchanted by the kitchenware selection. She insisted on trying out as much of the merchandise as possible before her purchases. See that hula hoop? It was tested for at least 15 minutes, amongst (possibly scaring off?) the normal customers.

Lesson learned: It's good to invite friends to your garage sales, because they will feel badly for you and buy stuff. Suckers!



An early sign your garage sale is not going to live up to its potential: A large U-Haul parks in front of it for the majority of the day for a move-out. A very long move-out.




12:00 p.m. The sky begins to darken and surprise us with summer showers. Velvet looks pleased by this new development.

Lesson learned: Don't plan your garage sale on a day when there is a chance of rain. I really can't stress this enough. It's a very crucial lesson.

2:00 p.m. Energy levels and customer service are starting to lag. Notice how all of our merchandise begins to creep closer and closer to the front porch, seeking shelter from the sporadic (yet persistent) rain.



I really wasn't kidding about Christina testing all of the merchandise. Yup, those inner tubes both worked. Guess where they ended up? The ever-expanding Free Bin.

Oh hey, U-haul, glad to see you're still here.

Clearly, quality was not an issue at this sale. These were marked in the free bin with the helpful advice of "Makes great Halloween props!" Also useful if you are making your own Buffy episode.

I made cupcakes that said "GARAGE SALE!"but was way too much of a dreamer and priced them at ten cents each. Instead, I ended up having to forcefully convince people to take them for free. We also had cupcakes for dinner that night.

Lesson learned: Don't bother making baked goods for your garage sale unless you're a very cute kid capable of guilting people into buying them.

Also a sign that your garage sale isn't going well--you have time (so, so much time) to take pictures of the increasingly depressing front yard and to play with the merchandise. Why did we ever want to get rid of that ball? It was awesome! (Lucky for us it did not sell.)

I will take this time to reiterate "do not hold a garage sale in the rain."

4:00 p.m. End of the day. We were wet, cold and drinking warm beer. Our stuff had been covered and uncovered by sheets due to the rain too many times to count. Pretty much everything at the sale had been marked down to "whatever few cents you're willing to give us" and I think people were turned off by our desperation. I don't blame them. We hauled most of our stuff to donation bins and the curb. Then we went inside and ate rain-soaked cupcakes.

Grand total made: Somewhere around $100.00. Only $300 short of Leslie's predicted total-- not bad, not bad at all.

Now, I'm confident if you adhere to my helpful lessons, this won't be you! Best of luck with your end-of-summer garage sales. Feel free to share your advice/garage sale horror stories; I love talking junk.