Thursday, November 3, 2011

Halloween 2011: Even Sexier Than 2010

As always, the house party was a success.
Mood: Melancholic

The first week of November is always tainted by the post-Halloween blues for me.  The dismantling of decorative cobwebs, the discarding of rotted pumpkins and the dwindling supply of candy bars in our house are all a few of my least favorite things.

But I shall remember Halloween 2011 as a time of laughter. A time of gelatin libations. A flurry of face paint, powdered wigs and bronzer five shades too dark. It's not too soon to reminisce, is it?

Velvet doesn't think so. HALLOWEEN MEGA BLOGPOST TIME!

We started the Halloween festivities on Friday with a party at my friend Sammie's house.  Sammie runs her own fitness company, so we knew this party was going to be full of sexy fitness instructors in sexy costumes.  With us being more of sexy TV-watchers/cat owners, the pressure was on to look good.  REAL good.

So we sexed it up! I'm talking skintight long johns, bare shoulders with nary a pashmina in sight and powdered wigs with only one coat of baby powder.  We were like a small, well-mannered army of skanks.

Heather was a sexy zebra, Velvet was a sexy flapper and can you guess what I am?


...Maybe THIS will help.

Sexy George Washington, duh!  Now it all makes sense.

The party was a flurry of sexy dancing, sexy catered foods, sexy DJ's spinning house music and even a sexy pinata filled with candy.   Needless to say, we partook in all of these activities.


By which I mean we ate a lot of catered food and candy. A looooootttttt of candy.  You have to eat like ten (10) fun-size candy bars to equal one (1) normal candy bar, so whatever.  It wasn't weird.  

If you want guests who hoard their own candy stashes, we're your gals!

And in the most ironical highlight of the night, guess who won best female costume?


I accepted my bottle of Moet & Chandon, the finest of all the effervescent ales, with a ten (10) minute inaugural address urging my fellow partygoers to improve our alliance with France and to explore the western lands.   Eric won the Best Male Costume prize with his (vintage) Tigger costume.  You can see him passed out on the couch here after doing too many push-ups (actually true.  I told you it was a fitness party).  Shortly after our wins, we said our farewells to prepare for Saturday.

Time for costume number two (2) and a festive gathering at our abode! 

Guaranteed the living room will still look exactly like this three (3) months from now.

Velvet and I were VERY excited for our costume this year.  It was one that we've been thinking about doing for years, and what with Occupy Wall Street and the upcoming elections, we knew it was time.

It required a lot of handiwork, of which Velvet did most and of which she did an amazing job.

Fun Fact: Our book was almost  mistakenly titled "Goulish Games," which would have actually been okay, since spelling errors are pretty de rigueur in Sweet Valley High.

Ready for the final product?

We FINALLY got to live our dreams and be Jessica and Elizabeth freakin' Wakefield for a night! And it was everything we ever dreamed it would be!

Not too bad, huh?  And yes, Velvet and I understand how good we look with platinum, sun-kissed blonde hair.  No need to comment upon it.

In my night as Jessica Wakefield, I made at least three (3) different grand entrances to the party, won twelve (12) contests, was asked out by every single male present and seductively purred one hundred and thirty-seven (137) times.   I also cheated on several boyfriends, destroyed a few people's reputations and betrayed my own twin sister numerous times.  Busy night!

And of course, the best part of this costume was the multitude of photo opportunities.  While Velvet and I definitely recreated some of the classic Sweet Valley High covers,  our guests helped us invent a few new stories that Francine Pascal strangely forgot to write. 

Title:  Smuggler's Secret
Tagline: After her brief stint as a drug mule goes awry, Jessica is forced to spend ten years in a Thai prison.   Will she win the title Queen of Lard Yao's Ward Nine or will her newfound rival Anchali upstage her?

Title: Primate Love
Tagline: Liz's summer internship at the Sweet Valley Zoo leads her to find love where she least expects it. Whose chocolate brown eyes will she choose--Todd's or Miko the Ape's?

Title: Tool Time Terror
Tagline: When Al Borland and Wilson come to Sweet Valley to undertake a little home improvement on the Wakefield's split-level Spanish-style house, disaster strikes. Will Elizabeth be able to repair the structural damage done to her beautiful home, or will she be forever doomed to live in a poorly grouted and sunken house?

Title:  Distressed Denim
Tagline:  Jessica has fallen hard for Brick, a Hell's Angel with a passion for arson. She'll do anything to grab his attention...even if it means murder.   After Jessica burns down Fowler Memorial Hospital, Elizabeth knows she must intervene. Will Elizabeth stand in the way of this fiery love match or will Jessica be caught in her own flames of hell?

Title: Brotherly Love
Tagline:  The twin's older brother, Steven, has flunked out of college and is back at Sweet Valley High with Jess and Liz.  Will the holy trifecta of Wakefield's rule the school or will Steven's elicit affair with Mr. Collins be the scandal that finally tears them apart?

All these titles and more coming soon to a bookstore dumpster near you!

After our guests had fulfilled their dreams of starring in their own Sweet Valley High novel, the party proceeded as most parties do.

People laughed.

People lurked.


(mostly just this guy.)

And people terrorized the cats.

The party ended around 4:30 a.m., with about five (5) people dancing in the living room to Sean Kingston's  "Shawty Fire Burnin' on the Dance Floor" (which, coincidentally, is a favorite song of both Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield's).

Like any good Halloween, we finished with a night of costumed dodgeball.

We may have lost both of our games, but boy, did we have spirit.  I also learned the valuable Halloween lesson that wearing a woolen coat and powdered wig to dodgeball will NOT contribute to your catches, dodges, self-esteem or ease of breathing.  You live and you learn.

And now I sit in our bat-filled living room and patiently wait until the next occasion when I can don a costume. American Thanksgiving, I'm looking at you. 

Mark my words, my cat will be wearing this costume, only sexier. 

(I hope you had a) HAPPY HALLOWEEN, EVERYONE! 


  1. It is clear that Velevet HAS to dye her hair! I am totally jealous of your amazing weekend ~ I AM SO BORING!!!

  2. I want some sort of airline pass that allows me to fly to Toronto every time you and Vel have a party.... just saying.

  3. you guys throw the best parties, can't wait till the next one! After you're finished writing your present erotica novel, maybe you'll try your hand at composing one the fine gems previewed in this blog post; you could have consecutive best-sellers!

    P.S. Did you know my hair colour is platinum blonde? Just a fun fact for ya :P

  4. Caitlin, I've been telling Velvet that she should be wearing her wig everyday since the party, but she won't listen to me either. She keeps saying something about it being "super uncomfortable" and some kind of "severe head rash," but I mean, come on, she could wear it to work at least, right?!

    Jenny, you should totally surprise us and show up at our next party! I really want to have a young adult book themed party, where everyone comes dressed as their fave character from a YA novel. I'm sure my two (2) friends would enjoy this.

    And you, Merg, are always a joy to host, minus the occasional vomiting spell. Don't think I haven't noticed your platinum blonde hair! You should work it with some baby blue accessories. Lilac would be nice, too. Now, please excuse me, I must return to the first rough draft of Smuggler's Secret.