2011: A Picture Review

A new year has begun. Like many, I have high hopes for this year.  High hopes and big plans. Productivity will be key. I can already cross "lie on couch slightly hungover and watch ten (10) episodes of 'Blossom' in a row" off of my New Year's resolution list. 

Like I said, productivity will be key. 

Impromptu New Year's Resolutions that were Certainly Not Inspired by Blossom:  Wear more hats.  Make more friends who have numbers for names. Bring vests back into my life. 

I know that during this first week of the new year, most people will be encouraging you to look to the future, leave the past behind, seize the day and many other time-related sayings. I say yes, let's do all of these things. All of them! Out with the old, in with the new. Sniff my butt, 2011.

But first, before the seizing and the sniffing, let's cling to the past for just one more blog post, a Holiday Edition Best of 2011 edition.  Come and marvel, as we travel back into the depths of 2011!







Okay, okay; it's getting weird. For both of us. Stop marveling. Let's just read it.

The year began with a Sunday spent in the snow with my dodgeball team, the Devil Bats. It was a day full of tobogganing, creating sick snow jumps and many a failed attempt at "snowball dodgeball." We optimistically declared that Sundays would hereto be known as "Anything Can Happen Sundays" and filled with wondrous activities.

Never happened again.





After eight (8) years in Canada, I become an official, government-approved Permanent Resident. This had to be the most important (/time-consuming/expensive/emotionally draining, etc.) highlight of my year. My roommates and cat rejoice knowing that I can now stay in Canada FOREVER.

After a two (2) year letter writing campaign, Great Grains finally made their Canadian debut. My friends promptly clamor to try them.

(This was probably the second most important highlight. It was all pretty much downhill from here.)

I turn 26 and celebrate in an age-appropriate fashion.

A slew of dodgeball tournaments provided us with plenty of opportunities to dress in ridiculous costumes. Lessons learned in costumed dodgeball included that losing a tournament while dressed as the ThunderCats notches up the humiliation factor juuuuust a little bit more; on the other hand, destroying another team while playing as the Rainbow Unicorns feels pretty sweet.

 

A springtime jaunt to Detroit turns into an impromptu carnival visit. We cast aside whatever doubts we had concerning tourist traps and safety regulations and take a brief, one-ride-worth's-look-see.

 

Such hopeful smiles.

The adolescent ride operator made sure to give us the time of our lives during the four (4) minute ride aboard the Enterprise. Ride recaps included: "I've never been so nauseous in my entire life,""Why wouldn't it end?" and "Can thirteen year olds legally operate carnival rides?" We shared a nice, silent car ride out of the park, each of us intently concentrating on not throwing up out of the window. Detroit never fails to disappoint. 

(2011: yet another year when Detroit touched my heart and also my vomitary system.)

Summer begins and we try to spend as much as time as possible at the park.

We learn just how badly a group of people can be at badminton. You can add badminton, frisbee baseball, soccer dodgeball, gymnastics and cool breakdancing tricks to the list of activities we did not master this summer.

Activities we DID master, you ask? Mostly beach dodgeball, the art of the sporadic kip-up, ways to achieve the perfect sunburn even when drenched in sunscreen and how to be the creepy clothed people at a nude beach. 

We willingly forked over money to go see Katy Perry in concert. Are you wondering if we dressed up in costume?

...If you don't know me by now, you will never never never know me.

(no you won't)

(ooooh)

A few of my dearest friends from home decide I should have no money for the rest of year and hold various wedding-related activities way, way, way, far away from Canada.  Bridal showers, bachelorette parties, Tennessee and Florida weddings--I attend them all!

(Were they worth it? You bet your bippy they were.)

Dreams come true when Velvet and I transform into Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield for Halloween.

On a just-as-important note: Sweet Valley Confidential WAS FINALLY RELEASED.  As someone currently writing an erotic Sweet Valley High fanfiction novel, this was extremely pertinent market research. 

  

I only finished it in one (1) day because it was such pertinent market research. Nothing more. 

I attend Fan Expo Canada by myself dressed as Buffy the Vampire Slayer (this is a 2011 highlight/lowlight). 

The roommates and I wrap up the year with our first house Christmas. 

Marley wraps up the year by inching his BMI closer and closer to the danger zone. 

IN CONCLUSION:

It was a year filled with friends, both near and far.

And more importantly, it was a year of Canadian-accessible Great Grains.

(the gorgeous Great Grains pics are courtesy of the cereal-lovin' William Matthews)
(other photo credits go to the usuals: Jenn, Heather, Velvet and Ryan P.--thanks a mill!)

*A small but important note: though it may look like all of 2011 was spent skipping in the sunshine while wearing sequined boas and hoisting trophies into the air, I don't want to be misleading. There were certainly low, un-blogged-about moments. Financial stress, zero free time and putting far too much effort into things/people undeserving are all things I'm happy to leave behind. I'm optimistic for 2012.

Apart from the world ending and all that.

Obligatory New Year's resolution mention:

Though, like every year, I have about sixty (60) New Year's resolutions, I want to assure you readers that Hobbit Heartache, the Sweet Valley High/Lord of the Rings erotic crossover fanfiction WILL be completed in 2012.

Though it will be sad not to have to ponder such queries as "Is a size six the same in hobbit clothing?""Would Bruce Patman and Bilbo fight over who will be the group's alpha male?" and "Would Jessica ever consider a threesome with Bilbo and Frodo?", I do promise that our journey will reach its conclusion in the upcoming months.

To all of you who have read and supported my blog and stories over the year, you warm my heart and if I could, I'd give a cat and box of Great Grains to each of you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Share some resolutions below. 

No Snow

I really wanted to send my holiday wishes to all of you guys earlier, but I was too busy going wassailing door to door with my roommates and cats. Sorry about the delay; we just had to make sure we hit up the ol' retirement home and cat shelter.

If we can make just one (1), JUST ONE (1), cat smile, then we've done our job.

Juuuuust kidding; I'm currently in Florida visiting family. It's almost 80 degrees (F) outside and nary a wassail was had. It feels strange to be sweating on Christmas. 

But don't let anyone ever tell you that Christmas dreams can't come true. Because sometimes, when someone reads your blog and sees what you really want and then goes on eBay and wins a bidding war and then wraps it and gives it to you on Christmas, your Christmas dreams CAN come true. 

...Christmas dreams like SWEET VALLEY HIGH: THE BOARD GAME!  

(for when the books just aren't enough)

Devin definitely earned the Brother of the Week award with this one. 

He also got my Mom this t-shirt, so it's safe to say he won Christmas this year. 

You can bet your bippy I'll do a full post dedicated to a review of this game, but for now, I made my Mom and brother play a "quick round" with me to give it a whirl.  Two (2) hours later, I was triumphant, having found my boyfriend, corsage, prom decorations and prom gown in time for the big date. My Mom came in a close second and Devin wholly regretted his purchase. (His biggest mistake? Choosing Enid as his character. Newb!)

Happy holidays, everyone! I hope your cats are smiling, your weather is brisk and your Sweet Valley High memorabilia is plentiful. 

...and I hope your Santa beards were more durable than mine. Helpful holiday tip: use cotton balls instead of makeup remover pads. You live and you learn. Now enough wisdom; there's a King of Queens Christmas marathon that's calling my name. 

Hobbit Heartache--Chapter Five



Will Jessica steal Frodo's hair-covered heart?



The rumors? All true.  That office scuttlebutt you overhead?  Confirmed. The word on the street?  Verily accurate.

The moment you've all been waiting for is finally here.

THE SWEET VALLEY GANG AND THE LORD OF THE RINGS CREW ARE FINALLY GOING TO MEET!

I think we all know what that means...it's time to break out the brandywine and root beer floats and rejoice!

Like I said, rejoice.

Are you feeling a bit on the fence over whether you should read Chapter Five (5)? Well, here's what I can tell you:

Worlds will collide!  Hobbit hair will fly! Aquamarine eyes will sparkle! Merry will get his perv on! Graphic sexual encounters will occur!

What else is new, right?

(also, one of those might not be entirely true...yet. )

...and that's all you get for spoilers. We both have to put in some effort to make this work.

Now, if you've fallen a bit behind in Hobbit Heartache, the Sweet Valley High/Lord of the Rings crossover erotic fanfiction, it's okay. Things get busy. Costumes gotta be worn. Cats gotta be tended to.  I know how it is.

Trust me, I know.

Backstory, get your backstory here:

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Okay, enough fanfare.  Let's do this thing! I hope you enjoy, and I'd like to thank everyone who actually takes the time to wade their way through these chapters.   You guys are the Bilbo to my Frodo. <3

Prints available from the talented Zak Tatham.  I hear he's open for cash or haggling, whatever you got. 

Chapter Five

“Can we please take a break? My feet are killing me,” moaned Lila, stopping abruptly in her tracks.

Jessica rolled her glorious eyes as the group came to a halt. This was the third time they’d taken a break that day, all due to Lila’s nonstop complaining. Lila was one of Jessica’s best friends but was sometimes best in small doses. And this trip to Middle-earth had been anything but a small dose of Lila.

“Maybe if you hadn’t worn your brand new Italian suede heels just for a plane ride you’d be able to walk for more than ten minutes,” replied Jessica testily.

“You’re one to talk,” said Lila, staring pointedly at Jessica’s striped espadrilles.

“Excuse me? I’m leading the pack here, not limping around and whining,” exclaimed Jessica, her feisty southern Californian temper beginning to emerge.

“Ladies, ladies,” interrupted Bruce. “You’re both morons. But let’s not forget the biggest moron here, Mr. Winston Egbert himself, destroyer of buses and buzz killer of vacations.”

“Oh, forgive me, guys. Anyone remember our old friend Olivia? The one who died by being burned alive in an explosion? Maybe you should think about her for a second instead of whining about your shoes,” snapped Winston, uncharacteristically serious.

“Guys, guys. Let’s cool it, okay? I know we’ve been walking all day and we’re all tired and stressed, but arguing isn’t going to get us anywhere. Let’s take a quick break and then regroup. I have a feeling we might come across a town soon and then we can get help,” said Elizabeth, trying her best to soothe the tense group.

Jessica rolled her mesmerizing eyes to herself once more. Thank you very much, Mother Teresa, she thought. She knew Elizabeth was just trying to help, but her relentless optimism was starting to wear thin. They had been hiking deeper and deeper into the thick forest all day trying to find anyone who could help them. After endless hours of walking, it looked like they were in the exact same place as where they started—surrounded by trees and not a single sign of human life.

Thanksgiving Part II

Yesterday was American Thanksgiving, aka Thanksgiving Part II, aka the day my boss lets us order in Swiss Chalet Festive Specials for lunch. It was also the day when I got to wear my sexy turkey costume to work.

You know, people scoffed last Halloween when I told them of my sexy turkey costume plans, but I was thinking of the long-term benefits. When would I ever reuse a sexy pigeon costume?! I have no regrets.

Though my Thanksgiving was spent in an office, it was probably pretty similar to yours.

We expressed our gratitude for the meal we were about to consume.

We feasted.

We forced festive cheer upon those who did not want it.

And we spilled cranberry sauce on the white carpet.

The stain is now covered by a desk drawer that must forever remain open.  The boss will never suspect a thing!

This year, I am thankful for many a reason.

I am thankful for the Great Grains Facebook group, of which I participate in daily.

I like talking to other people who enjoy Great Grains.  And I like talking about cats in relation to Great Grains. And I like talking about my ideas for Great Grains-themed fanfictions (mostly non-erotic).  I think the group might hate me but I sure do love them.

I am thankful for my roommates, who make me laugh and are among the very few people that I could stand seeing in the mornings for 6:00 a.m. jogs.

(Explanation: we've just embarked on a new fitness routine and I am actually very pumped about it because I love exercise, even when it takes place in the pitch black and it's minus ten Celsius outside.  Talk to me in a week to see how pumped up I remain.)

My roommates are also perhaps the most frequent commenters on my blog and I promise you that I do not force them to do this.  Yes, I give each of them the silent treatment until I see a sufficiently complimentary comment on each post, and yeah, I withhold necessary life resources from them until they congratulate me in person on each new post , but I use no force.  I'm way too busy for that.

I am thankful that Money has made it through another year.

That may sound callous, but I think it is something worth celebrating.  It's been a rough year for Money.  There was that short bout with fleas (are they still there? Who knows? It's more fun being a mystery) and her balance has grown so poor that she falls off the couch at least twice a day.  It's not easy being Money but at least she looks good in hats.  A lot of cats don't.

I am thankful for an eventful year of travel that allowed me to see my Mom and my brother Devin, hang with my cherished old friends and also make a few new ones.

(fancy photos courtesy of my talented friend Jenn)

But mostly I'm thankful for the self-serve frozen yogurt place that's opening up right by my work. That stuff is crazy!

(I hope you had a) Happy Thanksgiving, my American family and friends!  Let's just ignore Black Friday, aight? Unless it's at Target and then I completely understand.

Hobbit Heartache-- Chapter Four: A Journey Begins

The hobbits are caught in an erotic web of love and also the cohesive material that spider webs are made out of. 

As I begin this post, I am sitting on the floor in the Washington Dulles International Airport at 11:00 p.m., waiting for a delayed flight back home.  I've just spent the weekend celebrating one of my best friend's wedding (congratulations, Rosie and Joe!), and am feeling overwhelmed with all of the happiness this weekend brought.  Old friendships, new friendships, jumping shots on the beach-- this weekend truly had it all.

Love.

And I thought to myself, still whilst sitting on that airport floor, what better way to capture these feelings of love than to work on the ol' erotic  fanfiction novel?  Rosie and Joe, I hereby dedicate this erotic chapter of Hobbit Heartache to you (the best wedding present money could buy, eh?). 

I know it's been awhile, so I will very kindly sum up Hobbit Heartache, the Sweet Valley High/Lord of the Rings crossover erotic fanfiction novel, thus far in one (1) sentence for everyone.

Spring Break in Middle-earth isn't exactly what the Sweet Valley High gang envisioned after their tour bus explodes, leaving them stranded and lost in the forest; meanwhile, the gaping hole in Frodo's heart leads him to volunteer for a mysterious journey with his beloved Bilbo Baggins, who, along with the carnally creative Merry, the staggering sot Samwise, the delightfully dimwitted Pippin and the masterfully mystifying Gandalf, will soon prove that Sweet Valley isn't the only town where almost anything can happen... 

Got it?  

Okay, you know what? I tried.  Do it the hard way and read Chapter One, Two and Three.  Or call me and we'll talk through it.  

Now that we're all caught up, let's get to what you've all been waiting for:  the chapter where you get to read about a nude Bilbo bathing in the Hobbiton springs!  Hot damn.   

Enjoy. (And also remember that I know nothing about LOTR and this is my complete imagining of their world.  And enjoy.)

Limited edition prints available from Zak Tatham. 

Chapter Four—A Journey Begins

Morning in Hobbiton came as rays of sun spread over the remnants of the previous night’s festivities. Sleeping hobbits lay splayed across grass, covered by a moist blanket of dewdrops. The once-magnificent fire had breathed its last breath and was now composed of a few dying embers, cool to the touch. Though the hobbits had danced well into the night, the revelry had been mixed with a touch of apprehension, for all of Hobbiton wondered what would soon face them.

From within a deep slumber, Frodo heard the sweet call of a lilac-spotted dove and willed his eyes to open and face the morn. He tried to move his body upright but found he could not, for Merry’s arm was strewn over him, the long, black strands of curly hair shining with clear drops of dew. It seemed that Merry’s warm body had pressed close against Frodo’s all the night long, for there was not a bit of space between the two.

“Merry,” Frodo whispered into his friend’s ear, “it is time to rouse yourself, for the sun is shining and the song of the birds can be heard loud and clear.”

Merry awoke with a start, his eyes widening as the realization of his close proximity to Frodo dawned upon him. His hands fluttered to the front of his brown tunic, brushing against his hardened rod with alarm. It brought none of the pleasure that it normally did. He smoothed his tunic front over his burlap trousers with the speed of a jackrabbit and silently willed for Frodo to look elsewhere. Merry’s interrupted dream had been quite stimulating, as his dreams tended to be.